Description

*THE INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER*
‘A stunning, big and bold encyclopedia of how to live’ LISA TADDEO
‘Astute, radical and utterly compelling’ KATHERINE MAY
‘You will finish this book and immediately hand your copy over to your best friend’ JENNIFER ANISTON
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Why do women equate self-denial with being ‘good’?

We congratulate ourselves when we resist the donut in the office breakroom. We celebrate our restraint when we hold back from sending an email in anger. We put others’ needs ahead of our own and believe this makes us exemplary. Journalist and podcast host Elise Loehnen explains that these impulses – often lauded as distinctly feminine instincts – are actually ingrained in us by a culture that reaps the benefits, via an extraordinarily effective collection of social mores:

Lust. Gluttony. Greed. Sloth. Wrath. Envy. Pride.

These so-called ‘deadly sins’ have been used by the patriarchy to control women throughout our history. For instance, a fear of gluttony drives us to ignore our appetites and an aversion to greed prevents us from negotiating a better salary at work.

So, what would happen if we stopped trying to be ‘good’?

Provocative and bold, On Our Best Behaviour is a probing analysis of history and contemporary culture that explains how women have internalised the patriarchy, and how they unwittingly reinforce it. By sharing her own story and the spiritual wisdom of other traditions, Elise Loehnen shows how we can break free and discover a path toward a more balanced, fulfilled way to live.
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‘This is a really important book’ CHELSEA HANDLER
‘A guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self’ GABOR MATE
‘Brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming’ LORI GOTTLIEB

Publisher Review

In On Our Best Behavior - a raw cri de coeur, penetrating social analysis, and revealing personal reflection - Elise Loehnen deftly deconstructs one of the central ideological buttresses of patriarchal society: the shaming of women for having human desires, strengths, capacities and strivings of body, mind, and soul. Doing so, she provides a guide to liberation and a return to the authentic feminine self. -- Gabor Mate MD, author of THE MYTH OF NORMAL A stunning, big and bold encyclopedia of how to live - the first post-pandemic book to take our latest measurements and provide something fresh to comfort, embolden, enlighten and enrich who we are today. Loehnen is never instructive but always right. The book never flags and each section has a takeaway for how to live wiser, and an anecdote to help you feel less alone. On Our Best Behavior is nothing short of a tangible necessity in our new intangible world -- Lisa Taddeo, author of THREE WOMEN With equal parts wit, wisdom, erudition, and warmth, author Elise Loehnen takes us on a guided journey through history, culture, and our own psychologies to not just investigate the limiting effects of Patriarchal thinking in women's lives, but to free them. Pleasure, connection, trust, and joy - all these and more await the reader lucky enough to spend time in conversation with a truly remarkable mind. Half historical docent, half big sister with a hot cup of tea, read this author and change your life -- Terrence Real, author of US What if women finally found freedom - because we gave it to ourselves? In On Our Best Behavior, Elise Loehnen brilliantly reframes our toxic cultural programming and helps us to see that what we thought were our sins are actually our greatest virtues. This book is the gift we have all been waiting for -- Lori Gottlieb, author of MAYBE YOU SHOULD TALK TO SOMEONE